~~Waiting~~

Sometimes it's so hard to be patient
Hard to wait
To take on the weight of not only your tribulations
But the tribulations of others as well
Every tear, a spear that pierces the depth of your soul.
Many times I yearn for what other people have
But not really, I want something, someone so much better
Seems like lately I've been so willing to settle for less
Just because they're there
Just because they make me smile for no reason
Yet I know if something were to transpire
My mind would change
And what I wanted, what I rushed
Would cause even more damage and pain
So right now my mind wants more than my heart can handle
Right now I'm stuck in between standing still or moving to fast
Knowing that the fraction of happiness that I attain by not listening
Is not one meant to last.
So tell me Lord... when will You speak Your words to me
When will I receive the desires of my heart
Or when will my old desires be replaced by new ones
I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait patiently in good spirits
No matter the length
Even if my body aches for something new.
I'll wait on You!

by:Ja'Nise Washington

~~Speaking Silently~~

So badly I want to change
Yet unfortunately I don’t know how
To continually hide
Feelings that my eyes proclaim so loudly
I’ve prayed night after night
My mind fighting thoughts my heart steadily produces
I wish that I could pin point the day that such feelings were born
So that I could abort them immediately
Speedily run away from words that never should have formed
Into long paragraphs
I remember the look within your eyes
The look in which the meaning I still try to decipher
The look in your eyes made my heart pound
It made the world around me disappear, that constant minute in a half stare
I still cannot determine if this was just a game
Or if something was really there, because now every time we speak
There’s a constant tension that fills the air
As if we are both speaking but not saying the words we really want to say
Afraid that either person may just...walk away
I yearn to be near you more than I’ve ever yearned to be around anyone
I want all of your attention, I wish to know that you think of me the way I think of you
I want to know the truth of how you feel for me
So I can allow these already out of control feelings grow
Or simply cry and force myself to let them go
Help me know, help me either be bound by your words
Or freed by them
Please just show me the truth of what we are
Of what you will ever allow for us to be
Because the silence of the mist of our speech is killing me.

~Ja’Nise Washington

**The Sky**

I get to school just early enough to watch the sunrise. Parking in the same spot everyday toward the east portion of the burning pink sky. Such beauty never ceases to amaze me, God has created a flawless sky. And each day I watch the sun consume the clouds like fire. If only I could walk as far as the horizon and see its wonders magnified. I've always had a fascination with the sky, it is a very hard task for me to walk without throwing my head back to gaze at the clouds that silently watch my every move. In all seriousness, I struggle to walk like a normal person, I struggle to keep my head straight directly in front of me to watch where I'm going. In fact, if I could walk with my head pointed toward the sky all the time I would, because the sky to me resembles the oceans waves so very therapeutic and calming. Driving when the sun is setting is a difficult task for me as well. With everything within me I want to pull over on the bridge connecting I-94 and Southfield freeway and watch the sky transform. Even at night the sky puts on a show that the world often ignores; if no bugs existed I'd lay back on the grass at night and fall asleep watching hundreds of stars glisten above me. How close they seem, yet to far for my fingers to reach.
Simply watching the clouds swiftly float through the sky as if an invisible hand is pushing them makes me smile. It makes me wish that I could sit on its fluffy surface, then when the day is done sink through its fogginess like a raindrop back down to the ground where it first found me watching.

by:~Ja'Nise W.~

Friendship

As we sit at opposite ends of the world
I wonder whether our thoughts coincide into one complete sentence
If we saw each other right now would our eyes connect
Or would I be the girl in his hindsight...
One that he could easily forget
I don't search for marriage, I do not even seek love.
I don't want what everyone has
I want what most refuse to get....friendship
I don't know who you are
Honestly, I can hardly define me
I won't sing that lame line that repeats itself
In multiple love songs claiming that you complete me
Still, I find myself thinking of you
A person I don't even know
You are like my own personal foreign land
I'd travel so far to be with you, although I have no idea who you are
All I know, all I feel is that you will not reject me
We'll grow into the deepest friendship
And sail the waves of laughter
We'll know one another so well, that forever we will
Want to dwell in each others company.
If we saw each other right now would he feel the same
Or do I make up fantasies to comfort loneliness
Create false friendships to bury pain?!

by:Ja'Nise Washington Orginally written 10/7/2009

♥ ~ My Siblings – A Note from the Little Sister’s Point of View ♥ ~

Family is the sweetest thing to me, and lately I’ve wanted so badly to go back a few years when things were different; back when physically we had so little but spiritually we had so much! I have to say that I would not change the family I am in for another, no matter what great deals I may be offered :). And sometimes I hate that little things mean so much to me, little things make me so happy yet vice versa the smallest hurtful word make me feel as if I am nothing. I am the youngest in my immediate family. I have the greatest brothers; brothers of two different worlds with their own special talents and gifts. My sister of course is quite wonderful as well! When I was younger I wanted to be like her so badly, of course I never voiced this admiration. She would always sing, I liked to sing to but I never did because her voice was so great I wanted mines to be the same! I remember one Sunday she sang a special at church and each note was just right. Yet it wasn’t her voice alone, it wasn’t just this great talent that formed tears in my cousin David’s (and others) eyes as she sang, it was the anointing behind the voice; it was the spirit of God that moved when she sang because of God’s great anointing. I remember when I was barely a teenager, church wasn’t really my thing I went because I had to go. So of course praying at home on my own was nothing I would do besides saying my prayers. Ja’Nell and I shared a room and I remember walking in one night wanting to go to sleep and she was praying, crying and LOUD with her radio going in the background lol. I just closed the door and went back down the stairs. Yet each prayer I remember seeing my siblings pray I’m sure I’ve never quite understood how that influenced my life so much, how it changed me to want to know this spirit they felt. Now, when James begins to worship, it’s like I can’t pray because I’m amazed at how high he can jump, I’ll never forget the Sunday when he almost knocked over the pulpit lol it was almost like watching a lose bull buck back and forth. James is a “macho man” and one with a sensitive heart. One day I was trying to play with him (like little sisters do lol ) and he yelled at me so badly, then he came back later and said sorry..... he was just really hungry =). Of course he didn’t have to say sorry, he could have thought oh she understands but he said it anyways and that I admire greatly even today! Except for my 1st eldest brothers big cheeks and large eyes I am very much a mirror image of him lol besides the fact that I am a girl! My other brother and sister definitely protect me and stay with me if I am afraid, and Jeff (1 bro) would to. Yet I also see him as a comforter, like if I really had to tell him something of importance that I wanted no one else to know about I could rely upon him. His prayers I’ve always just viewed as powerful, like he could so easily have faith and believe in anything he wanted God could do! To this day he can turn the worst of situations into a joke, he makes me laugh even if I don’t want to, I don’t know how he does it but it’s a wonderful gift.
I could write forever and I so badly want to about each memory that lives vividly inside of my mind. My cousins were just like more brothers and sisters to me then, we were always together. We played together, cried, laughed, got beat by our parents together, but most of all we prayed together; and that prayer was most powerful, and most effective. Now that we are all a little older I wished I would have cherished each moment just more so than I had. Just as the word “love” cannot fully be explained, the word “family” cannot be fully described either. As the youngest, it seems as if I am a mixture of each of my older siblings, no matter how much I want to be an “unique individual” I’ve watched them, observed the qualities that were most important and utilized what they taught me unknowingly.

The Perfect Song

Lord, if I could write You the perfect song
I would
I would string together chords of flawless notes
And sing aloud the purest of words without mistake
Lord how my heart does ache to love You doubtlessly
To strike the right piano key that will grab all of your attention
I yearn to be filled with your anointing,
To be full of a new kind of joy that even the wisest of men could not explain
I wish to refrain from idle thinking
And form for God a song that plays a beat no different from the rhythm of my heart
For I want to love You without distraction
Lord create for me the perfect song to play
One that calms spirits without delay
Help me to gather words that usually escape
Help me to reshape the love I've built for me to structure it for You
Lord write the perfect song and teach to me the words
Let it's melody play within my mind
Defining a love that I could never know without You
Lord I ache to love You doubtlessly
To sing the purest song void of mistake
God sing the only perfect love song that will never disappear.
It Will be created by You, a melody so sincere
Formed by a God whose love will always persevere.

by:Ja'Nise Washington

~!Breaking Down!~

Some women find nothing worse than driving a car that breaks down. They may spend their nights asking the Lord Jesus Christ to bless them with the newest Town and Country knowing good and well that God would have to work a miracle greater than Parting the Red Sea for that prayer to become reality. Yet I love and admire women with such great faith. Right now my vehicle is very unpredictable, one moment everything is fine. The next my car is jerking and shaking so badly it feels as if I'm riding in one of those old wooden roller coasters at Cedar Point. But breaking down for me isn't all that horrible. My last breakdown one would image to be the worst of them all. I was on I-75 heading over the bridge over to I-96. Every warning light in my car flashed like Christmas lights as I pushed my poor baby across all four lanes of I-96 cutting off a semi in the process. POP! I heard the engine give up as a cloud of black smoke polluted the air. At first I wanted to be angry especially since I had a final the next day. Now I was stuck on the freeway with no books so I couldn't even study. Secondly, I had to figure out how I'd get to school the next day to take the final!
But I dismissed my fears and began to comfort myself with a box of chewy candies. I opened my passenger side door and closed my eyes. I suddenly realized that sitting on the side of the freeway was much like being at the beach. I discovered that the sound on each car swooshing by was like the oceans waves crashing against rocks emitting a cool breeze that made whispers of my air fly up. Only this beach had no sand and had no water, about the only thing it had WAS rocks mixed with glass and other debris that the shoulder of I-96 held. I suddenly thought I totally rather break down on the freeway than on a street with merely two lanes. I have my reasons... one the freeway has 4 whole lanes if I break down in one of them traffic can still keep moving at regular speed in the other 3. The street doesn't permit such freedom nor space. Number two the street in no way resembles the beach . Do I enjoy breaking down? Not at all. But does it make me angry?? NOPE! My car suddenly stopping is the only spontaneous thing that happens in my life. It causes a rush of adrenaline not knowing if I'll make it to the side of the road in time or simply sit in the middle of I-96 waiting like a damsel in distress for my handsome prince to come and rescue me. (joke more like Deedee's AAA) I love my Ford Focus but I'm afraid it's just like everything else in my life inconsistent and unreliable.

by: Ja'Nise Washington