~~Speaking Silently~~

So badly I want to change
Yet unfortunately I don’t know how
To continually hide
Feelings that my eyes proclaim so loudly
I’ve prayed night after night
My mind fighting thoughts my heart steadily produces
I wish that I could pin point the day that such feelings were born
So that I could abort them immediately
Speedily run away from words that never should have formed
Into long paragraphs
I remember the look within your eyes
The look in which the meaning I still try to decipher
The look in your eyes made my heart pound
It made the world around me disappear, that constant minute in a half stare
I still cannot determine if this was just a game
Or if something was really there, because now every time we speak
There’s a constant tension that fills the air
As if we are both speaking but not saying the words we really want to say
Afraid that either person may just...walk away
I yearn to be near you more than I’ve ever yearned to be around anyone
I want all of your attention, I wish to know that you think of me the way I think of you
I want to know the truth of how you feel for me
So I can allow these already out of control feelings grow
Or simply cry and force myself to let them go
Help me know, help me either be bound by your words
Or freed by them
Please just show me the truth of what we are
Of what you will ever allow for us to be
Because the silence of the mist of our speech is killing me.

~Ja’Nise Washington